Thanks so much to $Moonbeam13 for the subscription and for the lovely `ctJemm for getting the contest results and prizes out so quickly and efficiently. I'm so surprised that I actually won anything with this deviation:



Here's the link to the article: [link]

Now I feel guilty because I won't have much time to truly enjoy this subscription, but I will do the best I can.

Thanks everyone, and hi everyone who has watched me since I've become silent. I'm sorry I'm not online to reply anymore, but I do read everything and I still view all deviations in my inbox and I read every single journal entry that seems important.

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Junior year has begun for me. I finished the week and now I'm about to go back for the 2nd week.

Already I can feel the strain. Right now it's ever so gently pushing on me, but I know soon enough that it will begin to rage.
This is not to say that I cannot handle it. I'm fairly good at dealing with stressful situations and the lack of time. However, I'm sick of dealing with it. I feel like I'm killing another year of my life every time I struggle over something difficult, especially because I know better than anyone else that it's completely unnecessary. There is no reason for me to do this. Right now I'm looking at the clock, it's almost 8 PM and I'm so, so aghast that I've spent the whole day sitting in front of the computer drawing. Granted it resulted in my newest picture, but at such a great cost.

Point being, I think I need to cut off art. The past month where I was at debate camp (which went amazingly), I was working very hard daily and got a lot of work completed. I brought my sketchbook but I only touched it once, when we had Saturday night off. I guess I have finally come to the realization that like everything else, art is expendable. I don't need it, it's just another accessory tacked to my name.

While I love it more than possibly anything else in this world, I must prioritize. I know I can handle all my AP classes and debate work, but I need to be organized. I need to save time and use it more ostensibly.

I no longer will sit down to spend hours and hours on finishing a painting. I won't even log onto deviantart until the weekends. I will delete all of my art related bookmarks. Livestream will have to wait...maybe one saturday every month I will indulge myself.

I just can't afford to allow myself to be distracted. In order for me to not slide down the slippery slope, I have to nip it in the bud and just sever myself from it. I don't see myself offering anything valuable in the art community nor is having art a career high on my practical lists. It's my only ideal world but one that I can't pursue. In the practical world, creativity is zero. The world needs tangibility, a formula to follow. Math is formulaic. Science is formulaic. Language evolves but has its own rules. It's all about the technicality and nothing about emotions. Efficiency, efficiency, simplicity, simplicity. We can't go back to where we don't destroy the environment anymore. We can't stop the spread of technology. I acknowledge capitalism. So, instead of fighting it I will use it. That's the way to beat it.

Art cannot lead to my success. My success will lead art.

Sorry everyone who has supported me all along. I will still reply to questions and comments, but on the weekends. If you really have something important to say, please contact me at my email. akanei_rin@yahoo.com

I will probably only be seriously working on commissions provided that I get any. Only because I desperately need to make money so that I can help alleviate debate costs.

Otherwise I'm going to shut myself away from art.

Thank you everyone. I'll seriously see you when summer comes around again. [link]